The image of a woman who appears to have been diagnosed with comorbid anxiety and depression

Anxiety disorders and mood disorders are common. They affect people of all ages and walks of life. When someone suffers from anxiety and mood disorders at the same time, they’re diagnosed with comorbid anxiety and depression.

Four common questions about co-occurring anxiety and depression are:

  1. How often do they co-occur?
  2. Why do they co-occur?
  3. What’s the prognosis?
  4. What’s the treatment?

In general, comorbid conditions of all types are common.

One study found that about 50% of American adults with any psychiatric diagnosis have 2 or more disorders.

Co-occurring anxiety and depression are even more common than that.

Both conditions co-occur more often than the lifetime rates of either depression (16.6%) or anxiety (28.8%) alone. More specifically, about 60% of people with depression have comorbid anxiety, and 60% of people with anxiety have comorbid depression.

A natural next question is why anxiety and depression commonly co-occur.

Researchers do not know what puts someone at risk for comorbid anxiety and depression, compared with either condition by itself.

Theories range from biological explanations to situational life events. Another possibility is overlapping symptoms, such as insomnia, link the two disorders.

Some experts suggest that having one of the disorders is a risk factor for having the other.

Identifying causes for the co-occurrence is difficult. One reason for this is the different types of anxiety and depression.

For example, Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) are highly comorbid. They also share four symptoms:

  • Trouble sleeping
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Being easily fatigued
  • Restlessness

MDD and GAD are considered to have to similar genetic factors.

MDD and other anxiety disorders, such as Panic Disorder, are not considered to be linked genetically.  They are less often comorbid.

Gender may be another risk factor. Females have a higher rate of each condition than males. And a higher rate of comorbid anxiety and depression too. (This could also be due to bias toward diagnosing women more often than men with the disorders.)

Age is yet another factor. Onset for anxiety disorders is much earlier than for mood disorders (11 years old vs age 30 years of age). Whether this affects comorbidity is unknown.

What is the prognosis for comorbid anxiety and depression?

Another version of this question is how comorbidity affects treatment outcome.

Remember that when anxiety and depression co-occur, they’re usually harder to treat. Why? Because the symptoms tend to be more persistent and intense when combined.

The prognosis for people with comorbid anxiety and depressive disorders is poorer than that for either disorder alone.

The more intense symptoms include increased risk of suicidality, more chronic symptoms, and more everyday impairment.

So, people with depression and anxiety have a worse response than people with depression or anxiety alone. Their illness tends to be more chronic.

So how do you treat the conditions when they co-occur?

Unfortunately there is no single best treatment.

Experts even disagree whether to treat one condition first and then the other (aka sequential treatment). Or, to treat both at the same time (aka simultaneous treatment).

Further, clinicians can recognize one mental illness relatively easily. But, it’s much harder to recognize comorbid illnesses. And to distinguish comorbid conditions from conditions such as Bipolar disorder or Substance Use disorder.

However, it is not all gloom and doom!

Medication-wise, selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are the treatment of choice in treating depression and comorbid anxiety disorders. 

In general, the SSRIs and the Selective Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitor (SNRI) venlafaxine are first-line medications used in the treatment of both anxiety and depression.

Examples of SSRIs include sertraline, fluoxetine, citalopram, fluvoxamine, paroxetine. They’re preferred due to their treatment effectiveness.

One downside to SSRIs is they can intensify anxiety among already anxious patients. Clinicians thus tend to start patients at a low dose and then increase the dose over the first few weeks of treatment. 

The most common psychotherapy approach is cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT for short.

CBT is a here-and-now, solutions-oriented approach. It’s based on the idea that thoughts, feelings, and perceptions influence behavior. One of the cool things about CBT is that it is an effective treatment for either disorder. And for both when they occur at the same time.

With comorbidity, treatment providers have to make sure both disorders are being treated. For example, antidepressants may help a person’s mood, but not their anxiety. A next step may be to add CBT. Or to change the medication.

There’s still a lot to learn about recognizing and treating conditions that present at the same time. Especially in the case of anxiety and depression.

While treatment has more challenges when dealing with comorbidity, success is possible.

I am a clinical psychologist in private practice. In my experience, the majority of adolescents and adults who present for treatment have comorbid conditions, including anxiety and depression.

A woman's hands are holding a cup of tea, suggesting she is using the warmth of the cup as a way to manage anxiety as a Highly Sensitive Person.

Highly Sensitive People are born with a genetic trait called sensory processing sensitivity. Basically, that means they have a super responsive nervous system. As a result, a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) is, typically, shall we say, well acquainted with anxiety.

Let’s define anxiety, talk more about HSPs, and then discuss the overlap.

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a combination of fear and stress. It is a normal, common emotion.

Think of anxiety as a form of worry, uneasiness, and/or nervousness.

Our ancestors’ anxiety helped them to fight off danger, such as animals, and to run for safety. 

Anxiety helped to keep them alive by activating the fight-or-flight mechanism. The same mechanism is still in place today in our brain. It prepares us for action and orients us for safety’s sake.

Without the safety mechanism of anxiety, humans would not have survived.

These days, fight-or-flight activation can easily be a ‘false alarm’. No longer are there lions or their equivalent chasing you. The threat in the present is more benign, like having a first date or arriving late to an appointment. Much less is usually at stake than being attacked by a ferocious beast. But, our nervous system doesn’t distinguish. 

So, all of us — Highly Sensitive People and people without the trait– can actually thank anxiety for the evolution of our species. 

Something else important to know about anxiety is that it manifests in your mind AND body.

Anxiety shows up in the form of thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations – whether you’re a Highly Sensitive Person or not.

Let’s take the ferocious beast example to illustrate how anxiety manifests.

A large, scary, growling animal is coming toward you. You think something like, “Oh s**t! He is going to eat/hurt/maul me.”! You feel fear. Your body goes into fight or more likely flight mode. Your heart rate and pulse increase, preparing your body to RUN like the wind!

Anxiety is helpful. It protects you, Highly Sensitive or not, from danger.

Let’s use a first date example to illustrate how anxiety can be not-so-helpful.

You’re scheduled to meet a blind date at a busy, crowded Starbucks. You arrive early. Immediately, you start to think about the miserable blind dates you’ve had, the zit on your chin, and the stain on your shirt. You feel awkward, nervous, and overwhelmed. Your body is sweating, and your heart is beating louder than a drum.

Your blind date approaches you, and he looks older than he does in his profile photos. You feel extremely anxious, you bolt for the bathroom (flight, as in fight-or-flight), and stay there. After awhile, you leave the bathroom, hoping he will be long gone.

In this case, the anxiety was not as helpful.

This blind date example illustrates how a Highly Sensitive Person’s nervous system might respond to a similar type of scenario. (A person without the High Sensitivity trait is less likely to respond as…. strongly.)

What is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?

An HSP is someone born with a trait that has four key features, summarized by the acronym, “DOES“.

  • D stands for Depth of Processing:

    Highly Sensitive People process things deeply. They reflect more often and intensely. Especially on their own internal workings, relationships, and decision making. They make connections in their mind that other people respond to by saying they never thought of it that way.

  • O stands for Over-arousal/Overstimulation:

    The five senses of a Highly Sensitive Person respond intensely and easily. Certain smells, sounds, or textures are overwhelming – sometimes in good ways and sometimes not.

    Crowds, bright lights, and loud noises can also be overwhelming – usually in the negative sense of the word. They can activate the same ‘fight or flight’ response we spoke of at the beginning of this article. As a result, they’re likely among the first in certain environments to feel overstimulated. (Hi, Starbucks example.)
  • E stands for Emotion responsivity and Empathy:

    Highly Sensitive People feel emotions intensely. They also worry about the health and welfare of vulnerable people and animals. When they see a flower that reminds them of a loved one, for example, they become sentimental.

    Sometimes HSPs’ empathy is so strong that they can feel others’ emotions – even when the people themselves do not feel the emotions.
  • S stands for sensory sensitivity:

    HSPs notice details and nuance. The moment-to-moment changes of a setting sun, a subtle shift in facial expression, or the sound of the wind as it picks up speed are all things HSPs naturally notice. Their senses are highly attuned, and their experience of life is very rich.

HSPs are anxiety prone because they process thoughts and feelings deeply. Because of how deeply they experience the world, they’re more easily and quickly overstimulated. (Hello, Starbucks example.)

Overstimulation and anxiety feel similar in the body.

In the Starbucks blind date example, the HSP felt anxious relatively soon. She arrived early, giving herself time to (over)think and judge herself and her appearance. The crowded and loud setting frayed her nerves. It was tooooo much. She also likely felt others’ emotions and the dynamics within the coffee shop. She probably felt nearly depleted and taxed before her date even arrived.

The E, emotionality, also put the HSP at risk for anxiety. What if he didn’t like her? What if she spilled her coffee? Who was going to pay for whom? (Can you say AWKWARD?!)

The S, sensory responses, are anther way HSPs are inclined to feel overwhelmed. Their response to loud sounds, such as sirens, is more intense because of their hardwiring. So is the tendency to feel overwhelmed and ill-at-ease in a crowd. Or not to like bright lights, rambunctious scenes, or other social situations with people they don’t know.

Consider how easily and naturally the HSP felt overwhelmed and anxious at Starbucks. So many emotions to process, factors to consider, and ideas to evaluate…

You can see how things (e.g. sounds, situations, dynamics) that may seem benign or neutral are anything but for an HSP.

Living with the High Sensitivity trait means there are a lot of ‘extra’s’ in life. At times that can mean life feels extra stressful. As an HSP, you may feel extra anxiety, sooner than someone without the trait. But that is ok!

It just means you have extra incentive – aka ‘good’ obligation — for your own self care.

Know yourself. Be curious about the way “DOES” shows up for you.

Anxiety does not have to be a bad thing. Especially when you know why you are feeling it. And, how to live your life in a way that optimizes your unique attunement and experience of the world.

I am a private practice psychologist who works with women and men interested in learning how to use their HS as a gift and how to find the humor when it is not.

The world benefits from what HSPs have to offer.

A photo of a tree being held up by aa hand made of wood as a symbol of support for anxiety and depression

If you have anxiety or depression, you may wonder if a support group would be helpful to you. First step? Consider the pros and cons of participating in anxiety and depression support groups.

Being part of a support group provides an opportunity to be with people with similar concerns.

To be in the presence of others who talk about their challenges can feel like a breath of fresh air. Especially because mental health challenges can be isolating.

In a support group, you’re likely to understand one another. And also recognize that not everyone is exactly the same. The main focus is on sharing experiences without focusing on the negative feelings of depression or anxiety.

Problem solving, sharing, and empowering each another can feel incredibly supportive. And really help to improve your symptoms of anxiety and depression.

In a group environment, members generate ideas for themselves and each other. The group setting is a safe place to practice skills that you can then more confidently practice in your every day life.

Many benefits of participating in a support group for anxiety or depression make it an appealing option. And well worth the effort.

For example, being in a support group may help you feel less isolated in your depression and anxiety. Recognizing that other people feel similarly to you can be such a relief. That you really are not alone.

The guidelines of the group are important and should be clearly stated from the very beginning. Basics include confidentiality, expectations (e.g.re being on time; missing sessions; safety protocols; outside of group contact), and participation. Even having an agreement or contract for all group members to sign, agreeing to the group rules, may be helpful.

The “what’s said in this room stays in this room” guideline is especially essential in order for people in the group to feel safe.

And to really be able to utilize the group fully. You want to be confident that what you are sharing in the group does not find its way outside of the group.

Expectations are also important to state at the beginning. Such things as attendance and participation. And whether group members need to be in individual therapy alongside the group therapy.

There can be disadvantages too in support groups for anxiety or depression. Especially if the group is not run well. For example, poor boundaries in the group may cause members not to feel safe. Or if there is a victim vibe, “poor me” atmosphere. Another challenge may be handling other people’s emotions.

Ideally, group members feel lighter, less burdened, more connected to others and to themselves after a group session.

So, if you want to feel less alone, and challenge yourself to go outside your comfort zone, consider an anxiety or depression support group. As is true for nearly everything in life, there is no guarantee participating in a group will help. But an open mind and a well run group may be an ideal addition to individual therapy.

I am a Boston area licensed psychologist, specializing in working with men and women who know they could be deriving more – pleasure, meaning, and purpose – in their lives.

Four rows of food, witha woman's arm with fork in hand, demonstrating disordered eating.

Disordered eating is so common that it’s hard to identify and define. It’s just accepted as “normal”.

Kind of like fish not knowing they’re wet. It’s just how they live.

We’re born with all of the knowledge we need in order to eat well. But over time, the knowledge goes offline. Especially with our cultural obsession with thinness as our backdrop. And the tendency to categorize food as “good” or “bad”. As if food has a moral quality.

What is normal eating anyway? To define DISordered eating, we first need to know what ordered (“normal”) eating is.

Ellyn Satter, a registered dietician and family therapist, has an often cited definition. (She has lots of street cred as an internationally recognized expert on eating.)

She says normal eating is….

  • “… eating until you are satisfied.
  • Being able to choose food you enjoy and eat it and truly get enough of it – not just stop eating because you think you should.
  • Giving some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food.
  • Giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good.
  • Mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can occasionally be choosing to munch along the way.
  • Leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful.
  • Overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more.
  • Trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings.”

Is it even possible to have a “normal” relationship with food these days?

My thoughts: “YES, but…”

“Normal eating” remains quite the oxymoron in our culture. As if the two words don’t belong together, side by side. And that an understanding of how the two words could possibly be a real thing is hard to believe. A common response is something like, “nondieting and normal eating may work for other people, but not for me. I could never do that.”

Indeed, nondieting (“ordered” rather than disordered eating) may seem like a radical act. To actually tune back into your own body’s natural signals. Not an easy thing to do – the signals have been derailed. Diet Culture’s rules of should’s and shouldn’ts have overridden your body’s inherent wisdom. BUT, you CAN reclaim that wisdom. Actually, to do so is your birthright.

Defining disordered eating is also difficult because there’s no specific criteria. In order to address a problem, defining it is helpful in order to know what it even is. And to understand why it is a problem in the first place.

The main reason disordered eating is hard to identify and define is because it is more the norm than not in our weight obsessed, diet oriented culture.

Consider the fact that disordered eating, Eating Disorders, and dieting are more common than normal eating. That’s disturbing.

So what are the signs and symptoms of disordered eating, and how do you distinguish it from Eating Disorders or dieting?

Signs of Disordered Eating:

Disordered eating takes a variety of forms. Examples include limiting intake to a certain number of calories or macros; eating only certain foods and avoiding others for weight related reasons; bingeing, purging, restricting, and/or fasting.

The mindset and behaviors that drive disordered eating can be hard to distinguish from cultural definitions of normal eating. And to distinguish from an Eating Disorder All of these behaviors are concerning. In time they can easily morph into a full blown Eating Disorder.

Disordered eating often has additional features, including:

  • Self-worth based on body weight and size
  • Body dissatisfaction
  • Exercise to compensate for eating
  • Preoccupation with food, weight
  • Compulsive use of scale to check body weight
  • Fad dieting
  • A rigid approach to eating, such as only eating certain foods, inflexible meal times, refusal to eat in restaurants or outside of one’s own home

There are also lots of side effects of disordered eating.

For example:

  • Decreased ability to focus because thoughts about food, body, and exercise get in the way.
  • Social activities are affected, especially if they involve eating in a restaurant. Or eating foods that aren’t part of the plan.
  • Using disordered eating rules to cope with stress.
  • Anxiety due to food, weight, exercise.

Treating Disordered Eating

Disordered eating impacts physical and psychological health and puts people at risk for a host of problems. And it takes away from quality of life. Big time.

The relationship we have with our bodies is complex. So is how we nourish ourselves.

Fortunately, it is never to late to improve your relationship with food or your body. And there is no better time than right now.

As a psychologist, I’m biased in favor of psychotherapy. At least to support you as you start on the path of improving your relationship with food and your body. Finding like minded people also helps. There are communities to join online for example that may empower you.

Psychotherapy is helpful because it provides an opportunity to understand complex relationships with food and body. Also, therapy helps people move toward body acceptance. In addition, a nutritionist who specializes in eating disorders and adopts a non-diet approach to food and exercise can also be a good resource. Particularly with respect to increasing attention to the body’s natural hunger/fullness cues.

Reclaim your natural default of Intuitive Eating. Eat unconditionally. In whatever way pleases your body. Food is meant to be a source of pleasure. Denying yourself of it does not make you virtuous. Fueling and nourishing yourself well provides a sense of freedom, energy, and limitlessness.

Consider being your own unique fish, and surround yourself with others who share your vision.

I am a psychologist with a passion! My strong belief is that we all deserve the freedom to derive pleasure from food and be comfortable in our own skin, regardless of our body’s size or shape. Join me in this revolution.

Chill looking man with daughter and hound, appearing to be interested in learning more about his wife with High Sensitivity

If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), you’re a lucky spouse.

Why? Because your partner is one of the universe’s deep feelers and thinkers. And “noticers” of subtleties.

Maybe her uniqueness attracted you. Or her deep reflections, appreciation of nature, and delight in delicious food. Regardless, there are unique things to recognize about your spouse if you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person.

First, keep in mind that all Highly Sensitive People are not exactly the same. Any one description isn’t a “one size fits all”.

So what is High Sensitivity (HS)? It’s a trait, present at birth, in about 15% of the population. As much as eye color is a trait you’re born with, so is High Sensitivity.

HSPs have a unique hard wiring. Their nervous system is highly attuned and ultra responsive.

Some people consider the trait a Super Power. It certainly can be!

By the way, half of Highly Sensitive People are male. Men with the HS trait often have a history of being bullied or teased as kids. Throughout life, they’re likely to keep their high sensitivity on the downlow. Makes sense!

After all, sensitivity in our culture is deemed natural for women and not so much for men.

Certain challenges are somewhat predictable when you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person– whether two HSPs or an HSP with a non-HSP. Many advantages are also available if you understand the HS temperament. The ideas below are primarily referencing a marriage with an HSP wife and non HSP husband.

Here are nine things to recognize about your spouse if you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person:

1. Intensity:

From sights, to sounds, to emotions, Highly Sensitive People experience life more intensely. Why? Because their nervous system is genetically designed that way. As a result, HSPs experience positive events VERY positively (and negative events more negatively than someone without the trait).

The enhanced intensity means she derives extra delight from sensory pleasures.

Sunrises and sunsets, the smell of the ocean, the sensual feel of velvet. Ahhhhh! And her turbo charged nervous system can be highly responsive when aroused.

Being married to a Highly Sensitive Person means you too can experience natural pleasures in life more easily, often, and fully.

2. Quirkville:

HSPs are more easily overwhelmed by external events and may therefore at times feel broken. This is due to the combination of their nervous system’s makeup and cultural messaging.

Experiencing life more intensely and being judged for something that’s just inherent in who they are can create of a lot of wounding.

This is very important to be aware of if you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person.

Unfortunately, cultural values of dominance and overt power have led many HSPs to incorrectly believe they’re flawed, that something’s wrong with them. (In contrast, in Japan, where cultural values are different from those in this culture, HSPs are held in high regard.)

Especially if you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, knowing this about her is important. You know she’s not damaged or a weird-o. (And, anyway, sometimes, weird is a compliment. No clone concerns there!)

Encourage your Highly Sensitive spouse to express her quirkiness and nerdiness. And laugh alongside her at her puns and sense of humor.

3. Introversion/extroversion:

At times HSPs are mislabeled as “shy,” “fearful,” “introverted” or “timid.” In reality, being an HSP means she engages in close relationships on a deep level. And she experiences the world in a very acute way. Life is filled with a lot of “extra’s”. At different times she is an Old Soul, and other times a Late Bloomer.

Approximately 30% of HSPs are extroverted. They thrive on social activity and become energized in exciting social situations. Extroverted HSPs walk a thin line though between getting the social interaction they crave without entering into overwhelm.

4. Words matter:

HSPs process words, thoughts, and content deeply.

Case in point: Among others, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Celine Dion, Mozart, and ee cummings are HSPs.

If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, your particular expressions of love are super important to her. She’s likely the type to save cards, notes, emails, and texts in which you profess your love.

Tone and posture matter do too:

Be mindful of your tone of voice and body language. If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, you already know that she has a ‘sixth sense’; that she may intuitively seem to know how you feel.

She will recognize when what you say and how you say it aren’t aligned.

5. Conflict avoidance:

HSPs tend not to do well with conflict. Actually, most prefer to avoid it.

As the non HSP spouse, you’re probably more adept at arguing and comfortable dealing with things head-on.

Your HSP spouse is more likely to withdraw from, rather than address, a conflict. 

If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, you already know that at times she prefers her own company- i.e. to spend time alone. This may especially be true after an intense discussion. And may be a necessity rather than a preference.

Don’t take this personally. Having time to regroup means her nervous system is back to baseline. She’ll feel more content afterward. And have a longer fuse.

Ideally, you two generally communicate with each other in a way that doesn’t create or escalate to conflict. Let’s be realistic, though: Conflict is inevitable in relationships. Discover methods (at times other than in the heat of the moment) to minimize conflict. After all, you are on the same team! Consider using humor, writing, or even “time-outs”.

6. Tendency toward Overwhelm

All of us have an optimal level of stimulation and arousal. A zone where we’re neither bored nor overwhelmed.

HSPs have a more narrow window of optimal stimulation. Therefore, your HS spouse tends not to enjoy crowds, noisy restaurants, or a lot of commotion. These kinds of settings become overwhelming, sometimes immediately. (If your spouse is an extraverted HSP, she enjoys social environments but can suddenly become too overwhelmed to stay.)

Her threshold for overwhelm is probably lower than yours.

Remember, she naturally takes in a ton of stimuli. As a result, some alone or quiet time is needed for her nervous system to recalibrate.

Maybe, for example, she needs to retreat to a quiet, dimly lit, comfortable place such as the bedroom, to recharge. If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, expect that she will need down time in her daily life.

7. Social activity parameters

Reiterating the propensity for overwhelm is important. Even if redundant.

Your Highly Sensitive spouse is unlikely to enjoy large gatherings, such as sporting events. Or loud social get-togethers, like a tail gating party. And forget about small talk at parties. No thank you. These forms of stimulation frazzle her nervous system.

When she has had enough, she has had ENOUGH. Time to go! Not “oh one more drink.” or “In five minutes.” This isn’t personal. It is her biology.

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8. Decision making

Because of the depth of processing, HSPs may take longer to make decisions.

They consider pros and cons, all possible outcomes, and risk-to-reward ratios before coming to a final decision.

If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, you’ll learn to be patient if you’re not already. Keep in mind that what may appear to be indecision is in fact just her way of processing the options.

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9. Contagion Effect

If you are married to a Highly Sensitive Person, you’ll discover an increase in your creativity, kindness, and warmth. Your HSP spouse is likely to bring out the best in you, especially if you’re familiar with the trait.

You may become more inclined to notice subtleties and nuance after spending time together. And to be aware of other people’s goodness in a way that you hadn’t been before.


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If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, understanding your spouse empowers you both to create a glorious, thriving relationship. One in which both of you feel known, loved and safe. Where you’re comfortable being your true selves. You understand one another, respect each other’s wiring, and communicate well.

As with any marriage, finding the balance between what you need and what your spouse needs is key.

No marriage is perfect. If you’re married to a Highly Sensitive Person, you’re in for a lifetime of sensory pleasures, a deep sense of connection, and a meaningful life together.

I am a private practice psychologist who enjoys helping Highly Sensitive People access their superpowers with confidence and ease. I tend to have a pun or two to share along the way. #canthelpit

A dog sitting on a leather sofa appearing like he is feeling depressed or anxious and is looking for what to do

Depression zaps you of joy and energy. Anxiety keeps you on edge. At some point, we all struggle with some form of depression and anxiety. Emotions are part of being human. If you are suffering from depression and anxiety, you may wonder if there are things you can do to help you start feeling better.

Spoiler alert: Yes!

Some techniques are for the “here and now”, and others help over the long term. Some are action driven, and others are about changing your thoughts.

Here are 25 things to help you start feeling better:

Strategies for the here and now if you are suffering from depression or anxiety:

  1. Bring awareness to your breath
  2. Check your posture
  3. Move your body
  4. Get outside with nature
  5. Laugh
  6. Turn up the corners of your mouth
  7. Sing and dance to music you like
  8. Opposite action
  9. Talk to someone you trust
  10. Drink water

Strategies for the longer term:

  1. Zoom out the lens. Take a step back for a different perspective
  2. Experiment with a meditation practice
  3. Journal your feelings
  4. Change your relationship with your thoughts
  5. Prioritize sleep
  6. Regularly exercise
  7. Seek Psychotherapy
  8. Refer back to a list you made of all the times you overcame depression or anxiety. Remind yourself you have felt the emotions before, and that they didn’t last forever.
  9. Help someone in need
  10. Join a support group online
  11. Read inspirational, motivational quotes
  12. Read dark humor
  13. Listen to podcasts
  14. Find playlists of interest or create your own
  15. Take a Values Assessment

Here are 5 quotes to help you feel better if you are suffering from anxiety or depression:

“You say you’re ‘depressed’ – all I see is resilience. You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn’t mean you’re defective – it just means you’re human.”–David Mitchel

Those who have a ‘why’ to live, can bear with almost any ‘how’.
–Viktor E. Frank

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” —Helen Kelle

“That’s the thing about depression: A human being can survive almost anything, as long as she sees the end in sight. But depression is so insidious, and it compounds daily, that it’s impossible to ever see the end. The fog is like a cage without a key.” –Elizabeth Wurtzel, author

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is more common and also more hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal mental pain increases the burden: It is easier to say ‘My tooth is aching’ than to say ‘My heart is broken.’ –C.S. Lewis, author

Even though anxiety and depression are part of life, you don’t have to suffer.

Recognize that all feelings are part of shared humanity. They come and then they go. And they too shall pass.

I am a clinical psychologist dedicated to helping people find meaning and purpose in their lives. To live authentically in a world where suffering and pain exist is no easy task.

Please contact me if you want to talk about any of these ideas.

You don’t have to go it alone.

Boy looking in mirror at himself illustrating how hard it can be to tell if your son has body image issues

Body image issues are common and not just “a female thing”. Boys and men have body image problems too. Male body image issues can be harder to identify than females’. So how can you tell if your son is struggling with male body image issues? And what do you do?

Let’s back up and talk about body image more generally.

Perception of how attractive, acceptable, and healthy your body is begins early in childhood. 

And, body image continues to develop as you age, and as you’re given feedback on your body.

Feedback can be direct (e.g. from parents, pediatricians) or indirect (social media, cultural messages). Wanted or unwanted.

Internalizing an image of your body is automatic and not necessarily accurate. Rather, it is subjective – a kaleidoscope created by lots of different images, feelings, thoughts, and experiences.

So, at its most basic level, body image is the relationship you have with your body.

In other words, if you have a body, you have a body image. And relationships, of any sort, can at times be rocky. Body image is no exception.

Why’s body image important?

Having a decent relationship with your body means you:

  • feel OK about how you look
  • accept your body
  • feel proud about what your body can do
  • take care of your body

A poor relationship with your body means you’re more likely to have:

  • depression
  • low self esteem
  • unhealthy weight/eating behaviors
  • anxiety
  • perfectionism

Identifying if your son is having body image problems can be difficult for many reasons, including:


1. Body image problems are historically thought just to affect girls or gay men. (Hear this: The gender gap is closing. And body image issues among boys/men are catching up.)


2. Boys are less forthcoming about negative body image because of societal beliefs that body image is just a girl thing. (See #1 above!)

3. Negative body image for boys tends to be different from the type girls report. Boys’ body image issues are more often something like not having a 6 pack (ab muscles) or not being ripped (muscularly defined) enough. Rarely is their negative body image due to a drive for thinness. Rather, it is more often a drive for muscularity. (There are of course exceptions.)

What are some signs your son might be struggling with body image issues?

  1. Preoccupation with his appearance
  2. Restrictive eating
  3. Use of supplements
  4. Spending lots of time at the gym
  5. When participating in a sport (wrestling, skating, gymnastics) where weight and/or appearance are central, body image issues intensify
  6. Increased emphasis on weight, appearance, food
  7. Denial that there is a body image problem
  8. Compulsive body checking
  9. Intense interest in workouts, steroids, protein shakes, ‘clean eating’
  10. Referring to himself or his body pejoratively.

Most often, male body image issues arise in puberty. No surprise!

Puberty is typically a time of massive change, internally and externally, for everyone – regardless of gender. The same is true for boys.

Two rarely discussed forms of body image issues among boys and men are gynecomastia (“boobs”) and penis size. Especially during adolescence.

Determining if your son is struggling with body image issues is challenging. You wonder if it is ‘just the age’ or something more concerning.

Generally, experts suggest you step back and determine the extent to which his behaviors are interfering with relationships and causing problems at school or in other settings.

And talk with your son. Parents often say that conversations occur more naturally during a car ride with just the two of you, or while doing an activity together (e.g. doing yardwork, washing the car).

So as a parent, what can you do?

Notice any changes in behavior. Be aware of patterns. (See the list of 10 signs above.)

There are things NOT to do, too. Which of course may same obvious but can be anything but obvious if you are doing any of them without realizing it. Here are some examples:

  • Putting pressure on him to conform to ideals
  • Reinforcing media messages about the importance of appearance
  • Saying offhanded comments about somebody’s appearance
  • Modelling dislike of your body

Boys have bodies too! Your son’s feelings about his body are important. Helping him improve his body image includes respecting all body types – regardless of body shape, weight, physical ability, sexual orientation, ethnicity or gender.

I am a clinical psychologist specializing in body image. For the last 20 years I have remained committed to helping all people with a body reclaim their birthright.

You deserve to feel comfortable in the body you have. Not the body you wish you had or the one you have spent years chasing.

Be here, right now, in YOUR body, the one you have. Find body neutrality. Or, dare we imagine, something even greater.

“Oppression spares no body. Injustices are both systemic and intimate, taking root in the flesh.”

–Mary Watkins

You’re thinking it’s time to begin overcoming negative body image and eating disorders. But you aren’t 100 percent certain. And you’re not even sure it is possible. That’s ok. You can still move forward to improve your relationship with your body.

It is normal to want to change, but not want to change, at the same time.

Here is what you’d probably like to change:

  • Preoccupation with food, weight, and your body
  • Constant comparisons, especially on Instagram and other platforms
  • The Groundhog Day way of living your life

First, that’s awesome! Being open to change is not easy.

Especially in our image oriented, Instagram -ridden culture.

Recommendations for overcoming negative body image and eating disorders are nuanced.

“Do this” and “don’t do that” recommendations are oversimplified and generic. And, they tend to focus on personal responsibility and ignore context.

While advances in genetics and brain neurobiology help explain how complex these problems are, there is sooooo much more to it.

Body image issues and eating disorders are not ‘just a phase’, your way of getting attention, or due to vanity.

So what is the “more to it?” I am talking about the bigger picture. More specifically, the sociology and anthropology of negative body image and eating disorders, which affect us all.

We know now that strong economic, political, environmental, and social forces are at the center of developing and overcoming negative body image and eating disorders.

Racism, sexism, patriarchy weight bias, and other ism’s are key to understanding how/why you developed body image and eating disorder issues. The “isms” need to be recognized in your own healing journey. And not “just” if you identify as a feminist, social justice proponent or political activist.

We can’t heal our relationship with our body with a plan (i.e. diet) to make our body into what dominant culture says it should be.

Healing negative body image and eating disorders is challenging for a lot of reasons. (Remember nuance?). The biggest challenge of all is the backdrop.

An underappreciated force is Diet Culture. Actually, it is more than a force or backdrop. It is the air we breathe.

Diet Culture is everywhere. Because we live in it, we often don’t even know of or recognize its existence. Kind of like fish not knowing they are wet.

What is Diet Culture anyway? Christy Harrison, RD, MPH, is an expert on this topic. (Check out her weekly podcast.)

Her definition of Diet Culture is that it is a system of beliefs that:

  • Worships thinness
  • Equates weight and morality
  • Promises weight loss will lead to higher status
  • Demonizes some foods and elevates others
  • Oppresses people who don’t match up

Diet culture is the single biggest reason for negative body image and eating disorders.

Remember, Diet Culture refers to an entire system of beliefs. (See above). The beliefs equate body size with worthiness, morality, and health.

The origins of fixation on weight go back to colonialism, racism, and sexism. The purpose of the beliefs has always been – and still is – to establish social hierarchies. And to control people.

Oppression derails the ability to be ok with differences and damages the relationship we have with our own bodies.

Certain groups of people (e.g. women, fat people, people of color) are most vulnerable to internalizing cultural messages. Doing so causes damage. Preoccupation with weight and appearance is a way to keep the focus on meeting “ideals” rather than on more meaningful ambitions, be it political, social, or economic.

How can you eradiate Diet Culture? Or at least diminish its impact? What an excellent question. We have to start somewhere, right? Now is a good time.

Here are some of the things you can do to whittle away at the backdrop known as Diet Culture. To chip away at it, bit by bit, and empowering each of us along the way.

You and everyone else, regardless of size, shape, color, history, background, or anything else, deserves to feel at least neutral about your body. And good enough about yourself not to be detrimentally influenced by Diet Culture.

  • Call out companies who promote diet culture practices. Join influencers who are doing just that, such as Jameela Jamil.

I enjoy working with people of all backgrounds to take down Diet Culture. Join me!

A woman sitting on a chair eating a banana and reading demonstrates it is possible to heal from the side effects of eating disorders

Eating Disorders are serious illnesses that squeeze joy and ease out of your life. They take a huge toll on your body and mind and can shorten life span. Despite how damaging the effects can be, you can heal from (most of) the heartbreaking side effects of eating disorders.

Consequences of eating disorders vary, depending on which eating disorder you have, the duration and severity of the disorder, and a few other factors.

If you have an eating disorder, reading about the side effects is not likely to motivate you to recover. Education alone is not enough.

Upon learning about side effects, you might think “oh, that (side effect) won’t happen to me”. Or “if that happens, I will deal with it then.” Or even “I hope that (side effect) happens because I deserve to suffer.”

Separating the psychological and physical side effects is not completely fair, because the mind and body are connected to one another. One affects the other.

The psychological side effects of eating disorders are what I am going to focus on here.

You can read about the physical side effects here.

How do eating disorders cause psychological side effects?

Well, atypical eating behaviors, such as fasting or chronic dieting, impact your thoughts and emotions. (And, of course, your body.)

Dangerous patterns of compensation, such as self-induced purging or laxative abuse, do too. (And they affect your body as well.)

Even though your body and mind are resilient, the force of eating disorders is fierce and destructive. Withholding nourishment from and inflicting punishment onto yourself cause wounds. And some wounds leave scars.

The psychological impact of eating disorders can be complex. And less obvious than the physical side effects.

The psychological impact is less visible but no less serious.

For example, shame, loss of control, hyper-control, and body image problems are common. So are guilt and anxiety.

Other mental health side effects of eating disorders include:

  • major mood swings
  • depressive thoughts or actions
  • obsessive-compulsive behaviors
  • general anxiety
  • Isolation
  • impulsive behaviors, such as self-harm
  • low self-esteem

(Please note: Research has yet to determine exactly which psychological variables are linked to the cause and which are due to the effects of eating disorders.)

Three lesser known heartbreaking psychological side effects of eating disorders include:

  • Poor interoception
  • Self objectification
  • Psychological inflexibility

Let me explain what these fancy sounding concepts mean, why they’re important, and what you can do to heal them.

Interoception tells you what your body feels on the inside. Interoceptive awareness occurs when you recognize you have to empty your bladder (i.e. you have to pee), or that your heart is racing.

Interoception is also knowing when you’re feeling hungry and when you’re feeling full.

By definition, having an eating disorder means not eating when hungry (restriction/fasting), and/or eating beyond fullness (bingeing). Over time, your body’s hunger and fullness signals get dysregulated because they’ve been ignored. They get used to you overriding them.

Recovery involves improving interoceptive awareness by re-regulating your hunger and fullness signals.

Meeting with a registered dietician who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders can help you do this. The basic recommendation is to eat in a structured, consistent, patterned way each day: Meal, snack, meal, snack, meal, snack. And not to go 4 or more waking hours without eating.

As a bonus interesting fact: I have noticed that a lot of people in treatment for an eating disorder also tend to ignore other body signals, including the need to pee.

2. Self-objectification is a body image concept that has to do with seeing yourself as an object first, and a human being second.

Your experience of being female is defined by a culture that sexually objectifies women’s bodies.

So as a girl/woman, you naturally internalize an observer’s view of your body. This leads to ongoing monitoring of your body’s appearance. And of weight especially. It also increases shame, anxiety, and disgust toward yourself. Self objectification leads to eating disorders and remains a side effect.

Eating disorder recovery involves redefining your relationship with your body and seeing it through your own lens. Learning other ways to experience (see, feel, connect with) your body. And honoring your body as part of your human experience.

3. Cognitive inflexibility increases risk for eating disorders and is a side effect that’s hard to change. Especially for people who have Anorexia nervosa.

Cognitive flexibility refers to the ability to shift your thinking and/or your plan or strategy.

A lack of cognitive flexibility occurs during eating disorders and continues into recovery.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a useful treatment approach. The focus is on helping you learn how to identify underlying thinking patterns that may be keeping you stuck. Meditation can also help.

Eating disorders are serious yet highly treatable. Yes, you can fully heal from an eating disorder – with treatment with a therapist trained in providing therapy to people with eating disorders.

The sooner you seek specialized help, the sooner you will heal from the symptoms and side effects of eating disorders.

And what a gift to yourself that is!

I am a clinical psychologist specializing in helping people recover from eating disorders. What that looks like is working alongside each person, as they discover true joy and passion in life, live fully embodied, and heal more and more each day.

The words "But how do I get through the next 8400 seconds" on a piece of paper with a woman reading while drinking coffee, suggestive of a highly sensitive person managing in a highly unsettled world

The world will always be unsettled. One of the best ways to manage being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) in a highly unsettled world is to change the way YOU think of the High Sensitivity trait. By thinking of the trait differently, you’ll interact more effectively in the world. And maybe even feel empowered along the way.

Being a Highly Sensitive Person means that your nervous system is innately wired to attune to subtleties.

You’re creative, empathic, inquisitive, and a deep thinker. That’s just how you are. Your eyes are brown, blue, or whatever color, and your nervous system is wired for high sensitivity. That is you.

And you are among the 15 percent of the population born with the High Sensitivity trait.

Learning what being a Highly Sensitive Person means will help you make the most of the trait. And see it as the gift it is.

There are four general categories that comprise High Sensitivity:

  • Depth of processing – Whenever you take in information, you really TAKE IT ALL IN. And not just what is on the surface. Nuance and details are on your radar. Feelings, thought, observations, sights, sounds, opinions…..
  • Over arousal – As an HSP you take in tons of information, feel what others are feeling, and have senses that are very responsive. So of course you’ re prone to feel overstimulated more quickly and intensely. There is just so darn much to think, feel, do, especially because you’re also linking past, present, and future to the moment. And the practical with the philosophical.
  • Empathy – due to more mirror neurons, you easily feel what other people are feeling. You have a deep understanding of people and their emotions.
  • Sensory sensitivity – your senses are calibrated in a way that what you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch feels ‘extra’. Your senses are extra alive.

The four core features are interrelated.

What makes managing as a Highly Sensitive Person so challenging is the second feature on the list – over arousal. What might feel like a little thing (e.g. crowds, a hectic schedule, loud music) to others can feel like a lot to you.

Makes sense! Especially if you consider how the other three categories naturally promote a sense of over stimulation.

In other words, you take in, analyze, consider, and process a lot. So much more than could be captured by a list. What you take in includes thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. As well as sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and tactile sensations. Memories, speculations, present moment experiences. All of it. And more.

And, we know that nearly all human traits have advantages and disadvantages, depending on circumstances. High sensitivity included.

Why not optimize your trait? Albert Einstein, Steve Jobs, and Martin Luther King did, and their contributions enhanced meaning in life for us all.

Here are the top five ways to manage as a Highly Sensitive Person in an unsettled world include:

1. Set boundaries

Because of your capacity for empathy, you are inclined to agree to requests. You avoid disappointing or hurting another person, even at your own expense.

You prefer to do what is requested rather than risk the possibility of a conflict. Hence, setting boundaries may not feel ‘right’.

Here’s a tip: When setting boundaries, practice being more direct. Instead of beating around the bush, be clear and to the point. For example, let’s say your friend suggests a movie and asks if you’re interested in seeing that movie. Your inclination may be to go along with his decision, even if you don’t want to see that movie. So rather than saying “I’m not sure I want to see that movie”, you could say “I would prefer to say this movie”.

2. Include daily down time to manage being a Highly Sensitive Person

Your built-in radar is constantly processing a ton of input. That is exhausting! To prevent burn-out, you need a reprieve. So take time each day to replenish your energy. Maybe it’s spending time in nature. Or quiet time with low lighting and a comfy chair. Or just having a few minutes alone and without any demands on you. Do each day what you need to do to recharge your batteries. Even if it is only for a few minutes.

The High Sensitivity trait is real. So are your needs for downtime. Build in breaks during your day will make taking care of yourself easier to do.

3. As a Highly Sensitive Person, please manage your environment AND have a “ME” place

Your environment has a much bigger impact on you as a Highly Sensitive Person than is the case for people without the trait. In fact, Highly Sensitive people are both more likely to become physically ill and to develop depression, and/or anxiety in stressful environments. The fancy term for this is differential susceptibility.

The good news is you also do even better in calm environments than people without the trait.

Your priority in your home and work environments is to reduce overstimulation to the extent possible.

What does a calm environment look like for you? Maybe it is whatever area is most free of clutter? Or wherever your dog happens to be? Or maybe just in your bedroom, alone.

What does a special refuge look like to you?

It could be a designated area in your home or yard, with some of your favorite things. (Hopefully no social media.)

You may think of some exotic getaway when you think of a peaceful place to recharge. Actually, having a reprieve that you can access in your everyday life is more important. Maybe it is the living room recliner. Or a quiet spot near the window overlooking the backyard.

So guess what: Nothing fancy is needed to create an HSP sanctuary of your very own.

4. Get enough sleep

Everyone needs sleep. But Highly Sensitive People more than just ‘need’ sleep to restore mind and body. It is as important as breathing!

Because you feel deeply and absorb so much, your nervous system is primed to feel frazzled and overstimulated. Which then leads to emotional and physical exhaustion.

High quality sleep is the best way to restore and reset your nervous system. It is an essential ingredient to replenish.

Tips to get a good night’s sleep include having a bedtime routine, prioritizing your bedtime, and minimizing screen time and other forms of stimulation at least an hour before bed.

5. Get outside each day to manage being a Highly Sensitive Person

Highly Sensitive People have a sense of connection with nature that defies words.

Walking through a green space can actually facilitate a meditative state – for anyone. This is especially helpful to you as a Highly Sensitive Person because it offsets the inevitable stimulation you feel. AND spending time strolling through green space can facilitate creativity. Which you as an HSP have a lot of.

But the superpower is a superpower only if you think of it that way.

And only then can you deliberately leverage your High Sensitivity as a foundation to launch from.

And it is sooooo easy to instead deem high sensitivity as anything but a source of thriving. Especially because you have probably heard at least a million times that you are “too sensitive” and “need to lighten up.”

You don’t need to do anything. Just be you.

I am a psychologist in the Boston area dedicated to helping people, HSP’s especially, feel empowered to live their best life. Through all the ups and downs that life offers, HSPs have special gifts to make the world a better place for us all. Please contact me with any questions.