Do you criticize just about every nook and cranny of your body?
Do you have a tape running in your mind, telling you that you are too fat?
Self-talk can be so cruel!
Here is a newsflash:
The secret of successful, healthy weight management is not actually a secret.
“How do I choose love if I hate myself?”, ‘Sherri’ (not her real name) asked me yesterday during her therapy session.
I said nothing but could feel my eyes soften and water slightly. (Who does not know that feeling?!)
She continued. “My stomach sticks out. I have a zit on my chin. The guy I hooked up with on Friday has not texted me back. He has posted stuff about other girls. All of them are prettier than I am. I feel like such a loser.”
In a recent magazine interview, Ashley Judd spoke about her role in the movie Divergent. Based on the book series, the film is about a society that divides people into five factions, each based on a different virtue. A decision has to be made at age 16 to remain in the faction one was born into or switch into another, for life.
Judd’s character is torn between two powerful forces: The desire to belong, and the desire to be an individual.
Judd describes her true life struggle with the very same tension, especially during adolescence.
I was listening to a TED Radio Hour on happiness recently. The host, Guy Raz, asked his guest, musician Pharrell Williams, to reveal the secret to happiness.
Williams was perplexed.
Here is what he said: “I’m not some guy who’s walking around smiling every day. We all have our ups and downs, lefts and rights, and diagonals.”
“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.’”
~Mary Anne Radmacher
I learned about the concept of courage when I was about six. I saw The Wizard of Oz. The Poor Lion! He couldn’t get out of his own way.
Lions are supposed to be brave. This Lion was not brave. He was filled with fear.
The Lion reminds us that no matter how powerful or great people are, they too have fears.
We all have fears that prevent us from advancing toward our potential.
The Lion thought that he would find courage in the Land of Oz.
We may recognize that we too look outside of ourselves to find courage.
(Like reaching for ‘liquid courage’, aka alcohol)
Everyday we all display courage, and we may not even know it.
I like Winston Churchill’s definition: How does thinking of yourself as COURAGEOUS affect your sense of yourself?
My yoga teacher shared a story last week that I love.
His five year old son recently went cross country skiing for the first time.
The boy loved it!
His dad noticed that whenever his son fell down, his son talked aloud to himself.
The words he spoke were enthusiastic, joyous, and confident.
“He’s down, but he is back up!”
“You got this! C’mon, you got this!”
The self-talk was overwhelming positive.
My yoga teacher invited us to apply the same kind of attitude toward ourselves on the mat.
Can we transition to poses with enthusiasm, joy, and confidence, even if we wobble?
If we fall or lose balance, can we just get back up with a smile?
How about if we adopt this attitude not just on ski trails or the yoga mat, but in our daily life?
As someone who only did things I felt reasonably good at, I missed out on a lot of life.
Luckily, that is changing.
In life, I allow myself to wobble, lose my balance, and fall. And I have learned to get right back up, instead of generating self-criticism and shame.
You got this!
Feelings are natural. Feelings are normal.
Some are easier to recognize, regulate, and tolerate than others.
Most of us can easily list the feelings we like, and the feelings we would rather avoid. Who wouldn’t choose joy over anxiety? The perennial pursuit of enjoyable feelings and avoidance of unpleasant feelings are what fuel addictions, overeating, and mindless screen time viewing.
Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) has replaced Feeding Disorder of Infancy and Early Childhood.
The DSM-Vis the manual used for diagnosing psychiatric problems. It stands for The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition. The Fifth edition has been out since May 2013 and includes changes to how eating disorders are categorized and diagnosed.
This post will address one of those changes, which the new diagnosis is called Avoidant / Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (also known as ARFID).
Note: I originally wrote this article as a guest blogger for the blog “personaldevelopmentcafe.com”
How to be Your Authentic Self in a Relationship
Being your ‘Authentic Self’ can be difficult. Being in a relationship can be difficult. Put the two together, and you have a real challenge on your hands!
What/Who is your Authentic Self?
We are complex beings, each of us.
Awareness of our own mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual selves can be a hilariously challenging prospect.
Balancing them requires humor and the ability to not take oneself too seriously.
So, the next time you see me standing on one leg (physical self) in tree pose, smiling (emotional self) as I read (mental) a story of my favorite Remover of Obstacles, Ganesh (spiritual), you will see my wobbly four roomed home in action!
Balance is not static.
Welcome to my Blog
Here I get real on body image, eating, sex, yoga and more. Sometimes the topics are more random. All relate to psychology (after all, I am a psychologist!) --Dr.D